In case you were wondering...

...I am still alive. I've just been a little lax on the blogfront. My creativity has gotten a bit stale, but I will back in the swing PDQ. Until then, become a certified sinkie with me :)

It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate potty-training? Well I do. I detest it. I am angry with myself because in December, when Georgie was dry and accident free for four days, I did not throw away all his diapers. I had him exactly where I wanted him, but then Christmas came along with all its chaos. I strapped a diaper back on him to get us through the holidays, and thus the days of the potty have become a distant memory.

We're working on it again, but it's hard for me to be enthusiastic this time. I find myself counting from one to ninety-two in order to keep my cool when accidents arise. I am trying to stay on top of him to make sure he makes a trip to the bathroom at least once per hour, but if anyone knows me, I lose track of time like a doped rat. But I'd say the worst part of training a boy is - misfire.

Where is that nanny I've been relentlessly praying for? Now would be a fabulous time for her to magically appear. Any volunteers?

101 Random Things About Moi

1. I was born in Florida.
   
2. I was raised in New Jersey from the age of ten months.
   
3. I have not lived in NJ for almost 6 years now.
   
4. But when people ask me where I'm from, I still say New Jersey.
   
5. I have no relationship with my biological father.
   
6. I was adopted by my dad when I was a young child.
   
7. I detest when people refer to my biological father as my "real" dad. My REAL dad raised me.
   
   
8. I am afraid of the dark.
   
9. I am afraid of basements.
   
10. I have no sense of direction... I make a wrong turn and get lost constantly. Even in my own neighborhood.
    
11. I've been called "Charlie Brown" because of my habit of sticking out my tongue when I am concentrating really hard.
    
12. I only eat bite sized food in even numbers. (i.e. cereal, corn, m&m's, nuts, peas etc, etc, etc...)
    
13. I would die for my children.
    
14. More significantly, I would kill to protect them.
    
    
15. I used to smoke a lot of pot.
    
16. I still wonder what long-term effects that has had on me.
    
17. I quit smoking cigarettes in 2001.
    
18. I occasionally sneak a cigarette when no one is watching me.
    
19. I miss smoking. A lot.
    
20. I lost my virginity way too young. I regret, not the person, but the age.
    
21. I have only had sex with two men.
    
    
22. I have never cheated on anyone.
    
23. I have been cheated on.
    
24. I have been truly in love twice in my life.
    
25. I do not want to be cremated when I die.
    
26. I am a creature of habit, but I hate living in a routine.
    
27. Red wine gives me a nasty hangover.
    
28. But I drink it anyway.
    
    
29. Tequila makes me want to dance.
    
30. I hate to dance.
    
31. But I would love to learn ballroom dancing.
    
32. I am five foot seven.
    
33. I have never had a broken bone.
    
34. I am very reserved at first glance.
    
35. But when you get to know me I never shut up.
    
    
36. I don't like confrontation. I am unassertive. I don't stick up for myself very well.
    
37. I think that comes from being an only child.
    
38. I have never been arrested.
    
39. I have never had a cavity search.
    
40. I hope I never have a cavity search.
    
41. I hate people who do not use spell check.
    
42. I hate when people type LiKe tHiS.
    
    
43. Inconsiderate people piss me off.
    
44. I am one of the few people that misses high school.
    
45. I am left handed.
    
46. I sleep with my socks on.
    
47. I sleep with my underwear off.
    
48. I love to read.
    
49. I am very nosy.
    
    
50. I cannot sleep with the heater on.
    
51. I always sleep with the window open above my bed. Even in the winter.
    
52. I hate the smell of Pine-Sol.
    
53. I love the smell of sweat.
    
54. I pour milk on my Jello.
    
55. I like mustard and onions on my grilled cheese sandwiches.
    
56. I think coffee smells better than it tastes.
    
    
57. I have been pregnant four times.
    
58. I have three children.
    
59. I would love to have at least two more someday.
    
60. But I will probably never have more children because I can hardly afford the ones I have already.
    
61. I used to play the clarinet.
    
62. I wish I could play the piano.
    
63. I really want a tattoo.
    
    
64. I have ADD.
    
65. I stay up all night.
    
66. I have never had braces.
    
67. I love being alone.
    
68. I'm scared of turning thirty.
    
69. I'm even more scared of the alternative.
    
70. I love sleeping with my kids.
    
    
71. I have never worn glasses or contacts.
    
72. I am terrified to fly in a plane.
    
73. But I want to skydive someday.
    
74. I love airports.
    
75. People who drink "decaffeinated diet sodas" annoy me.
    
76. I am a great speller.
    
77. I won the spelling bee in the fourth grade.
    
    
78. I love romantic comedies.
    
79. I crave recognition when I work hard.
    
80. I want beautifully manicured nails.
    
81. I hate fake fingernails.
    
82. I love a tidy house.
    
83. I used to be a slob.
    
84. I still keep a few junk drawers to satisfy my inner pack-rat.
    
    
85. I am a giver by nature.
    
86. I'd love to go to the theatre more often.
    
87. I hate people who do not say "please" and "thank you."
    
88. I don't have a favorite color; I like them all, but I'm partial to green and purple. Pink too.
    
89. I love to cook.
    
90. I'd like to bake more often, but I'm lazy about it.
    
91. I love to sing, but I am horrible at it!
    
    
92. I love cloudy, rainy or snowy days.
    
93. I love going down the shore.
    
94. But I hate the beach.
    
95. I love lakes.
    
96. I adore Ireland.
    
97. I am a cat person. Dogs are entirely too needy.
    
98. Margaritas are my favorite alcoholic drink.
    
    
99. I hate being naked.
    
100. I am turned on by English accents.
     
101. I believe in soul mates, destiny, karma and kindred spirits.
     
     

I'm having an affair

So it's Wednesday. And have I lived up to my resolutions? Well..... not exactly. But I will start walking tomorrow. I swear. And as far as my attitude, I really am trying. There is one thing I am excited to report. The husband and I are really working on incorporating at least a few of the 25 bliss factors into our daily encounters with one another. It has made a gargantuan difference in the way that we interact and behave together. He has become the caring, considerate and romantic man I fell in love with seven years ago, and I have been trying to be more kind and patient with him in return. It's amazing that with a few simple changes, he and I are reshaping our once uninspired marriage into a blazing love affair.

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved bring a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring." ~Oscar Wilde

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." ~Judy Garland

"Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then, I guess I always will."

The Silver Screen

1. What is your favorite movie? The Station Agent

2. What is the worst movie you have ever watched? Home on the Range

3. What was the last movie you saw in the theatre? Friends With Money

4. Sugared or salted popcorn? Or maybe butter? Extra butter & salt. I love Smartfood too. And as far as sweet, I make batches of caramel corn that you would lust over.

5. Movie theatre or DVD? Theatre

Resolution Number Two

Walking to school on clear days is my second spring resolution. For starters, not only would it help get me back into shape, but walking my daughter the six blocks to school really entails less aggravation than driving. Sure, walking takes a little longer, but it rescues me from the neverending in-and-out of the car, running around from door to door buckling and unbuckling three carseats. Over. And over. Again. And by the time I actually find the clearance to back my car out of the parking lot, with all of the other cars coming and going to pick up and drop off their kids, and the hundreds of feral jackanapes that are racing and playing tag behind the bumpers, I could have already walked two - maybe three - of the six blocks. So there. Resolution number two has been made, and publicly announced.

Here's hoping for many rainy days over the next month.

New Spring Resolution

I've decided I've become too cynical, irascible, bitter and hypercritical over the years. My new spring resolution is to become the serene, benevolent and sprightly lass I was - long before the straits of family life. Is there anyone who dares deride my determination? Because I'll kick your ass!

Norah

Angry Norah!


She did not want me to dry her hair!!


Sweet baby...


Happy Norah!

Married Life...

...The Bliss Factor

I am officially broke, but my sanity was worth every penny!

Ahhhhhhhhh! (That was a sigh of relief and contentment.) I just got home from my night out - which I needed so much more than I realized. It's only been two weeks since I was out last, but the past two weeks have been extremely stressful. I was actually going to cancel tonight due to the massive headache I was fighting all day, but I drugged myself (with Imitrex. Relax!). I rode it out, and wound up feeling 120% better in every sense - mentally, physically and emotionally. This entry is here to remind myself that the next time I want to bail on my plans because I'm not feeling high-spirited and social, I need to get my ass out the door anyway to eat, drink and be merry until I can't take it anymore!!

When I came home, I really missed the kids, so I peeked in on them all just to watch them sleep.

With Abby, it is almost always the same: I pulled her covers back over her, and swept the hair from her face. She woke for less than a moment, just long enough to smile sleepily at me and tell me that she missed me. "I'm happy you're home," she said in a dozy voice before rolling over and snuggling back into her pillow. She sighed contentedly, and instantly returned to a light snore. I kissed her on her cheek, and whispered that I was happy to be home with her too.

I didn't have to go very far to check on Georgie; he was asleep in Abby's room, in the bottom bunk. As usual he had flipped himself upside down in the bed - his feet on the pillow, and his head on the blankets at the foot of the bed that he had kicked and churned into a tangled mess. He didn't stir when I turned him around, careful not to bang both of our heads on the bunk above. I straightened his blankets, pulling them back over his shoulders. When I tucked his Spiderman figure back into his palm, I kissed his forehead, cool and damp with sweat, and I smiled to myself at how fond he is of his Spidey, and how he was probably dreaming of climbing walls, shooting webs, and defeating the bad guys as he slumbered, just like his favorite superhero.

When I looked in on Norah, I was surprised to see that she was still awake in her crib, and I was excited to pull her out and play with her a while. We stacked a few blocks and played a few songs on her piano, but when she started to rub her eyes and look drowsy, I changed her and made her some warm milk. I laid her in my bed and talked quietly with her while she drank her bottle and daintily patted my face with her pudgy little hands. After a while, I started to feel a little sleepy myself, so I placed her back in her own bed. I couldn't help but laugh when she wildly waved "bye-bye" to me with an immense grin on her face as I was closing her door.

I missed them all so much while I was out tonight, but I think I need to miss my kids every now and then to fully appreciate them and recharge. I think my foul mood streak is officially over (for now). I am now rejuvenated, relaxed, and more than ready to start fresh in the morning with my newly recharged batteries.

Frozen pits of hell.

So this morning... my deodorant was nowhere to be found. I dug through the closet in the bathroom, desperately hoping that I had a spare tube somewhere. I did not find exactly what I was looking for, but I found deodorant nonetheless. The aerosol spray kind. I hesitated. Lifted the first arm. Cringed. Sprayed. And screamed! I think this type of torture was invented by the Nazis. It was like applying liquid nitrogen directly to my pits. Anyone who sees me today should thank me. I sprayed my second arm, solely for the innocent bystanders that I may come in close contact with today.

You're welcome.

Returning from so far away...

I'm not sure where this blog will take me tonight. I'm not really in the mood to write anything, but since it has been more than two weeks since I've written a "real" entry, I felt obligated.

Lately, my world has felt like it's been flipped upside down. I can't pinpoint the moment of the turn or even what factors played into the flash point, and because of this, I haven't been quite sure how to make it right again. I've been moody and on edge. I can't catch a breath. I'm tired. Easily antagonized. I've been stuck in reverse and I'm sorry to all who have felt my misery.

I have tried to conceal my low spirits, but there are certain people in my life who cannot be fooled.

My children, especially, have a way of sensing my moods, even if I am three rooms away and my back is turned towards them. They put their feelers out and know when not to argue together. And when not to jump on one another. They know, without my asking, whether or not I need their company or if I'd rather be left alone. And, if needed, they walk away and do something that they hope will please me. Sometimes simply by cleaning up their toys, or other times, gently catering to their baby sister to keep her from fussing.

Tonight, after figuring out that I was low-spirited, Georgie held my ruthful face in his hands. The same hands that I usually know to be ruinous, heavy and grimy; tonight were slow-moving, warm and gentle. He seemed to be surveying my mood, reading my face. He pulled our foreheads together and sighed. Our eyes met and he smiled. A sympathetic, and sad smile that said, "I know where you are, and I desperately want to bring you back to me." He kissed me softly on my nose, and climbed into my lap. We stayed this way, quiet and motionless, for quite some time. I could feel his chest rise and fall against mine; I heard his breath, calm and steady; I felt his fingers running slowly over the back of my neck. Within minutes, my breathing pace matched his and I could feel my heart rate and blood pressure fall to a less threatening level. I was suddenly sedated and sleepy.

I wrapped my arms tight around him, closed my eyes, and thanked my lucky stars for all that I have been blessed with in life. My feelings of hopelessness quickly faded, and I felt foolish that I sometimes get myself so down when I have so much to be grateful for.

My children show me everything that is good in this world. They have an incontestable gift to put a smile on my heavy lips. They take away my heartache. They are the lights that guide me home.

Feeling Lucky

This is indeed pretty hilarious

Go to www.google.com

Type in the word failure

Instead of clicking "Google Search," click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

:)

Spread the word before the people at Google "fix" it.

Seven types of sex?

Recent research shows that there are, in fact, seven kinds of sex:

1. Smurf Sex: This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
   
   
2. Kitchen Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
   
   
3. Bedroom Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
   
   
4. Hallway Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."
   
   
5. Religious Sex: This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
   
   
6. Courtroom Sex: This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone
   
   
7. Social Security Sex: You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.

Parents: shave your heads!

I have had a touch of blogger's block lately. Is it because my life has become dull? No, that's definitely not the case. Could it be that I have not had any time for the computer? Actually, no. I have logged in at least twice a day and stared at the blank entry form only to find that, still, nothing will come through from my brain to my fingertips.

But today, my friends, you are in luck; I will treat you all to a tale called The Strangled Toe

Friday morning I was prepping Norah for her bath. As I was inspecting her nails for length, I came across a very swollen and red middle toe on her right foot. When I looked closer, I saw that it was sliced completely open so that when she curled her toes, this particular toe would split apart, whereas the top of the digit would appear to be totally separated from the bottom. I called Dr. Bob right away, and he told us to come in at 11 o'clock for an appointment.

After carefully examining her wound, he gave it a name: hair tourniquet syndrome. I had never heard of such a thing before and was amazed and nauseous at the same time. He spread the two sections of her toe apart, searching for whatever had cut off her circulation, but whatever it was had either worked it's way out, dissolved, or was still in there, but not visible. He said I needed to keep close watch on the color of her toe. If it turned blue or purple, she needed to be rushed to the ER immediately to prevent autoamputation. Eek!! And here's where it gets gross: if the swelling does not go down by tomorrow, I am to apply Nair® into the wound to dissolve the thread or hair that was causing the lack of blood flow. Okay, so has anyone ever used Nair®? Have you ever felt the burning sensation from the product on healthy skin? The directions on the bottle clearly read: "DO NOT USE ON IRRITATED, SUNBURNED, INFLAMED, OR BROKEN SKIN." Exactly. So keep your fingers and toes crossed that the swelling goes down, or else I will be swabbing depilatories into her perferated toe in the morning. (*shudder*) I guess it's better than amputation, which is our only other option at that point.

So please, as a public service message to all parents: shave your heads, and dispose of all hair immdeiately!!!